Fear.
Oh yes, this is a big one.
Fear paralyses. It contracts us, makes us smaller, and can make us unable to move forward. It can lead us to rush into decisions that are totally against what's best for us and the people we care about. It can actually cause the events we most worry about to take place. It tears us from an open, receptive, loving place, and thrusts us into a nightmarish world of worry, doubt and an inability to think or act clearly. When fear is present, compassion is nowhere to be seen, love has been forgotten about, and beauty and grace cannot exist.
So where does it come from? Why do we all insist on falling back into fear, when we know very well that it is utterly unhelpful at best and completely destructive at worst? And is there a way to remove fear from our lives?
First of all, let's not completely discount fear. It can be very useful at times. If we are in a dark alley and see a glint of moonlight on metal while smelling dank body odour, in all likelihood somebody is lurking in there with a knife and somewhat less than honourable intentions. Fear spurs us on to act, whether it's to turn back and run, or confront the miscreant before we are overrun. Fight or flight, that often taught evolutionary choice of reactions when faced with a threatening situation, comes from fear, and in this way it is useful.
Having said that, I would argue that even in the case of the knife-wielding adversary hidden in the alley, fear still causes more harm than good. Imagine the same situation, where you clearly notice the telltale signs of somebody hiding, waiting to ambush whoever crosses their path, without a fear reaction. You can still notice the same problem you are confronted with, but without fear are more able to react in the best possible way. Fear breeds tension, and just like the brittle stick snaps easily, so do we under its pressure. Conversely, if we are able to be more like the bamboo, that is flexible under pressure, we are far more likely to take the correct, appropriate action. Fear blinds us, whereas clear, relaxed reactions can only come from eyes wide open. If we can't see the situation properly, how are we to act clearly?
This is an extreme example. However, the principles here can be applied in every situation which has a potential for fear. All of us have our own pet fears, fears we have carried around with us for a long time, and will continue to run our lives unless we do something about them. Perhaps we fear that we will run out of money. That our partner will cheat on us or leave us. That we will contract a terminal disease.
These are big fears, and are very common. However, countless other fears plague us constantly. The schoolboy is afraid of failing his examinations. The gymnast is afraid of missing that bar on her final jump. Flights are booked and holiday is planned, but will the visas work out, and what if they don't?
Sure, very few of us spend our lives in a constant state of fear-caused paralysis, but we do all to some extent face fear every day. No matter how minor, fear will surface. Our choice is whether or not we are going to feed it.
Fear is a creation of the mind. And through the practice of yoga, including meditation, we come to know our mind very well, and begin to assert a little more discernment on what thoughts we choose to entertain. We always have a choice, a choice between fear and love, and this is far from just a cute little phrase. This is a practical philosophy that can change everything, if we let it.
A personal example: I was sitting in a public place yesterday, and suddenly some rather old fears came along and began to lead me down all sorts of hideous paths. I started to feel my heart contract and my belly cramp up. My breath became shorter and I lost my previous sense of peace and ease, all thanks to that very unhelpful internal dialogue phrase, "What if this happens?" I admit freely that this fear ruled me for a while. I started worrying that it wasn't fear, but intuition telling me something was happening. My mind travelled down dark, unpleasant, muddy paths, paths strewn with shards of glass, and I wasn't coping too well.
However, my yoga practice kicked in after not too long a time. I just sat back and watched this dialogue unfold, watched the worries carry on their conversation, and stopped getting involved in them. I had a sense of sinking back into myself, of all the frenzy that had consumed me a few moments earlier dissipating and dissolving. I relaxed, and became calm, and found myself smiling idiotically, undoubtedly looking like a crazy person. I simply continued to relax and enjoy the sensation of calm, of peace, and whenever these fears came along, I just watched them come, then watched them go.
And that is the key to dealing with fear. Non-engagement. Whenever a fear comes along, don't get involved. Let it do its thing, let it rant, let it rave, let it scream and shout. Just sit there and watch, and wait. It will go, it will disappear, if you let it.
This isn't always easy, and it requires real awareness and mindfulness of the thoughts that come along. Fears are much easier to dissolve if we catch them the moment they arise, when they are still small and relatively unformed. The longer we allow them to run amok, the bigger they grow, and the more difficult they are to let go of. This takes practice, this instant awareness of a fear arising and the subsequent removal of food for it, causing it to waste away.
There are many other ways of dealing with fear. Another useful trick, using an internal dialogue with ourselves, or even on paper if it helps you, is to take the fear to its ultimate conclusion. Ask yourself what would happen if this all took place, if this fear was real and actually happened. At first, you may rail against this idea, but do go with it. What if this awful thing you are imagining really happens? Yes, the future you envisage may not be ideal, but inevitably, it's ok. Life goes on. Or if it doesn't, if you really do have that terminal illness, it's ok too. It's the nature of life to end.
Ultimately, all fears spring from things not going how we want them to go. Yet are we all so wise that we know exactly what's best for us all the time, in every moment? Who knows where this situation will lead you? Yes, your partner leaves you, which feels like the end of the world, but who knows what's just around the corner? Someone else far more suitable may come along, someone far more suited to your life journey. Yes, you lose your job and run out of money. Who knows what this will galvanise you to do? Again and again, in all walks of life, somebody loses their job only to find something a whole lot more fulfilling, better paid, and infinitely more fun.
We fear because we live under the sway of the fundamental illusion that anything belongs to us.
Big statement, I know.
You see, we like holding on to something, and calling it ours. We painstakingly build up our lives in a certain way, and the thought of any part of it crumbling feels like our death. Yet what do we ever truly own? Let's look at money. Pieces of paper and metal that get passed around and around, or appears as numbers on a bank statement. Even if the bank doesn't fold, you don't get robbed, or you don't spend it all at the casino, still money is transitory. You wouldn't just take a wad of notes and lock them in a safe under your bed, never touching them again, simply because they are yours!
Let's look at relationships. Even if the wonderful holy grail of relationship is realised, and you build a life-long bond, staying together "for ever", it's not really for ever, is it? Eventually, one of you will die.
Nothing is forever. Absolutely nothing that changes, which is everything we can see and perceive with our five senses, stays around. It grows, lives for a while, decays, and then dies. Nothing is forever, except for that one part of you, correction, the real you, that is not affected by anything, that does not change, that does not decay, that does not die.
Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutras, calls this the seer, that which sees. No matter what happens, it cannot be affected by anything in any way. Our task, through the practice of yoga, is to allow the fluctuations of the mind to cease. Thus the seer abides in her true nature. Or his true nature. In truth, the seer has no gender! However, things could get complicated if I don't use his or her on occasion... Essentially, you abide in your true nature, meaning who you really are. And that being is untouchable, and roars with the fire of a thousand suns and the water of a million oceans.
That's a topic for another day. For now, keep practicing. Keep watching those fears arise, and keep letting them do their thing without getting involved. When a fear does come along, great! It's a chance to practice this stuff!
This is not easy. But let me assure you, it is one of the most worthwhile things you can ever do. Sit and watch those fears, let them run mad, but don't get involved, and feel the love blossom from your heart instead.
Let the sun that is your innermost being shine its rays upon every last, dark corner of your heart.
Oh yes, this is a big one.
Fear paralyses. It contracts us, makes us smaller, and can make us unable to move forward. It can lead us to rush into decisions that are totally against what's best for us and the people we care about. It can actually cause the events we most worry about to take place. It tears us from an open, receptive, loving place, and thrusts us into a nightmarish world of worry, doubt and an inability to think or act clearly. When fear is present, compassion is nowhere to be seen, love has been forgotten about, and beauty and grace cannot exist.
So where does it come from? Why do we all insist on falling back into fear, when we know very well that it is utterly unhelpful at best and completely destructive at worst? And is there a way to remove fear from our lives?
First of all, let's not completely discount fear. It can be very useful at times. If we are in a dark alley and see a glint of moonlight on metal while smelling dank body odour, in all likelihood somebody is lurking in there with a knife and somewhat less than honourable intentions. Fear spurs us on to act, whether it's to turn back and run, or confront the miscreant before we are overrun. Fight or flight, that often taught evolutionary choice of reactions when faced with a threatening situation, comes from fear, and in this way it is useful.
Having said that, I would argue that even in the case of the knife-wielding adversary hidden in the alley, fear still causes more harm than good. Imagine the same situation, where you clearly notice the telltale signs of somebody hiding, waiting to ambush whoever crosses their path, without a fear reaction. You can still notice the same problem you are confronted with, but without fear are more able to react in the best possible way. Fear breeds tension, and just like the brittle stick snaps easily, so do we under its pressure. Conversely, if we are able to be more like the bamboo, that is flexible under pressure, we are far more likely to take the correct, appropriate action. Fear blinds us, whereas clear, relaxed reactions can only come from eyes wide open. If we can't see the situation properly, how are we to act clearly?
This is an extreme example. However, the principles here can be applied in every situation which has a potential for fear. All of us have our own pet fears, fears we have carried around with us for a long time, and will continue to run our lives unless we do something about them. Perhaps we fear that we will run out of money. That our partner will cheat on us or leave us. That we will contract a terminal disease.
These are big fears, and are very common. However, countless other fears plague us constantly. The schoolboy is afraid of failing his examinations. The gymnast is afraid of missing that bar on her final jump. Flights are booked and holiday is planned, but will the visas work out, and what if they don't?
Sure, very few of us spend our lives in a constant state of fear-caused paralysis, but we do all to some extent face fear every day. No matter how minor, fear will surface. Our choice is whether or not we are going to feed it.
Fear is a creation of the mind. And through the practice of yoga, including meditation, we come to know our mind very well, and begin to assert a little more discernment on what thoughts we choose to entertain. We always have a choice, a choice between fear and love, and this is far from just a cute little phrase. This is a practical philosophy that can change everything, if we let it.
A personal example: I was sitting in a public place yesterday, and suddenly some rather old fears came along and began to lead me down all sorts of hideous paths. I started to feel my heart contract and my belly cramp up. My breath became shorter and I lost my previous sense of peace and ease, all thanks to that very unhelpful internal dialogue phrase, "What if this happens?" I admit freely that this fear ruled me for a while. I started worrying that it wasn't fear, but intuition telling me something was happening. My mind travelled down dark, unpleasant, muddy paths, paths strewn with shards of glass, and I wasn't coping too well.
However, my yoga practice kicked in after not too long a time. I just sat back and watched this dialogue unfold, watched the worries carry on their conversation, and stopped getting involved in them. I had a sense of sinking back into myself, of all the frenzy that had consumed me a few moments earlier dissipating and dissolving. I relaxed, and became calm, and found myself smiling idiotically, undoubtedly looking like a crazy person. I simply continued to relax and enjoy the sensation of calm, of peace, and whenever these fears came along, I just watched them come, then watched them go.
And that is the key to dealing with fear. Non-engagement. Whenever a fear comes along, don't get involved. Let it do its thing, let it rant, let it rave, let it scream and shout. Just sit there and watch, and wait. It will go, it will disappear, if you let it.
This isn't always easy, and it requires real awareness and mindfulness of the thoughts that come along. Fears are much easier to dissolve if we catch them the moment they arise, when they are still small and relatively unformed. The longer we allow them to run amok, the bigger they grow, and the more difficult they are to let go of. This takes practice, this instant awareness of a fear arising and the subsequent removal of food for it, causing it to waste away.
There are many other ways of dealing with fear. Another useful trick, using an internal dialogue with ourselves, or even on paper if it helps you, is to take the fear to its ultimate conclusion. Ask yourself what would happen if this all took place, if this fear was real and actually happened. At first, you may rail against this idea, but do go with it. What if this awful thing you are imagining really happens? Yes, the future you envisage may not be ideal, but inevitably, it's ok. Life goes on. Or if it doesn't, if you really do have that terminal illness, it's ok too. It's the nature of life to end.
Ultimately, all fears spring from things not going how we want them to go. Yet are we all so wise that we know exactly what's best for us all the time, in every moment? Who knows where this situation will lead you? Yes, your partner leaves you, which feels like the end of the world, but who knows what's just around the corner? Someone else far more suitable may come along, someone far more suited to your life journey. Yes, you lose your job and run out of money. Who knows what this will galvanise you to do? Again and again, in all walks of life, somebody loses their job only to find something a whole lot more fulfilling, better paid, and infinitely more fun.
We fear because we live under the sway of the fundamental illusion that anything belongs to us.
Big statement, I know.
You see, we like holding on to something, and calling it ours. We painstakingly build up our lives in a certain way, and the thought of any part of it crumbling feels like our death. Yet what do we ever truly own? Let's look at money. Pieces of paper and metal that get passed around and around, or appears as numbers on a bank statement. Even if the bank doesn't fold, you don't get robbed, or you don't spend it all at the casino, still money is transitory. You wouldn't just take a wad of notes and lock them in a safe under your bed, never touching them again, simply because they are yours!
Let's look at relationships. Even if the wonderful holy grail of relationship is realised, and you build a life-long bond, staying together "for ever", it's not really for ever, is it? Eventually, one of you will die.
Nothing is forever. Absolutely nothing that changes, which is everything we can see and perceive with our five senses, stays around. It grows, lives for a while, decays, and then dies. Nothing is forever, except for that one part of you, correction, the real you, that is not affected by anything, that does not change, that does not decay, that does not die.
Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutras, calls this the seer, that which sees. No matter what happens, it cannot be affected by anything in any way. Our task, through the practice of yoga, is to allow the fluctuations of the mind to cease. Thus the seer abides in her true nature. Or his true nature. In truth, the seer has no gender! However, things could get complicated if I don't use his or her on occasion... Essentially, you abide in your true nature, meaning who you really are. And that being is untouchable, and roars with the fire of a thousand suns and the water of a million oceans.
That's a topic for another day. For now, keep practicing. Keep watching those fears arise, and keep letting them do their thing without getting involved. When a fear does come along, great! It's a chance to practice this stuff!
This is not easy. But let me assure you, it is one of the most worthwhile things you can ever do. Sit and watch those fears, let them run mad, but don't get involved, and feel the love blossom from your heart instead.
Let the sun that is your innermost being shine its rays upon every last, dark corner of your heart.
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